Woot! Made it!

So here’s my query and first 250 for the blog contest…

Query

Little Girl Takes on Big Pharma. That’s what the papers said about Hester Lowell after she took on the drug company that killed her father. But when she tried to get evidence proving that they’d killed him, she ended up almost destroying the guy she loved.

And now she’d got more problems. The Havemeyer drug company is back, this time headed up by the dynamic Rick Shane. Who happens to be the new high school principal. Worse-who happens to have developed a drug to give to a select group of high school students. It’s called INSTINCT, and it gives the taker all kinds of abilities. Enhanced ability to see and hear, to move with the grace of a panther or the agility of a mountain goat, even to hold your breath underwater for hours. Oh, and it’ll make you pretty if you’re homely, slim if you’re heavy, more muscular if you’re weak. It’s no wonder that Hester’s two best friends-outcasts both-can’t wait to take it.

But when they begin, Hester realizes she has more to worry about than a few insignificant side effects. It’s her belief that Havemeyer’s experimenting on kids with something that can kill them. And when she and her friends try and prove it, she’s given a choice-to keep up her quest for revenge, or to try and save her friends from certain death. And neither decision comes without a price.

First 250 words

Little Girl Takes on Big Pharma.
That was me. Not something I was particularly proud of, but there it was. Written in the local paper along with a bunch of other words I learned to hate as the medical malpractice trial went on. Carcinoma, a pretty word for cancer, almost like a name. Carcinoma Jones, would you please stand up? And of course there was abattoir, so much prettier than slaughterhouse, the word used by a more literate news reporter when she’d described the scene at the Havemeyer pharmaceutical company right before it shut down. Rich words, rolling off the tongue, spelled over and over in the notebook I kept hidden from my fifth grade teacher when she went around checking our compositions.
And there was death too. Not nearly as sexy, but a word I knew well.
# # #
I plugged in my cell phone to recharge on the first day of school. I’d allowed it to run down over the entire summer, so there was no guarantee it would work now. Or so Father Dan, alias Father Jerkoff, had told me when I’d dug it out of the duffel bag I’d taken with me to Florida. He’d said it with the gentle smile he used when he was blessing us all at Sunday Service, and it had been all I could do not to tell him to go to hell. Even when he offered to buy me a new phone if the old one didn’t work.

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25 Responses to Woot! Made it!

  1. Good job on your query, and good luck with the contest!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Thanks so much Linda! Best of luck to you too!!

  3. sfhenson says:

    This sounds great! Good luck!

    -Sarah #146

  4. Cherie says:

    I like the voice of your protagonist. 🙂 Good luck!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thanks so much sfhenson and Cherie! I’ve got to start reading the blog entries–lots of good stuff out there!!

  6. Anonymous says:

    “Father Jerkoff”…funny. We made it. Good luck!
    rpg123

  7. lexcade says:

    OOOO I remember this from AB–that contest which shall not be named *ohm*. Best of luck!

  8. Great premise! Your MC sounds really intriguing.
    Good luck!

  9. Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much RPG, lexcade and Tonja! I’m looking forward to reading your entries! 🙂 Lexcade, the contest that must not be named-LOL!

  10. aewelch says:

    Good luck in the contest! -April, #61

  11. Carla Cullen says:

    This sounds great – a really intriguing premise! I’m all for stories that take on big corporations. Good luck! – Carla, #152

  12. Hi Anni, I’m visiting your blog from the Writer’s Voice Contest (entry #58), and I wanted to wish you the best of luck! Nice to meet you.

  13. C.G.Ayling says:

    I hope this story goes somewhere. How many times have you seen advertisements for drugs that really should say something like “This medication has occasionally been seen to temporarily relieve some symptoms. Often experienced side effects include nausea, loose stools, impotence, blurred vision and even death – ask your doctor how you can get some today!”
    Good luck, and well done for tackling a troubling subject.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Nice to meet you too Matthew! Good luck! And thanks so much for the comments, CG Ayling–here’s hoping! And best of luck to you too!

  15. Summer says:

    Good luck!! What an interesting concept!!

    Summer – #40

  16. Anonymous says:

    Thanks so much Summer! And good luck to you too!!

  17. Becca says:

    Heh – all those terrible small-print “side effects” come true, huh? Love it. Good luck!

  18. Anonymous says:

    Thanks so much Becca! And good luck to you too!!

  19. nicolezoltack says:

    Interesting premise. Good luck!

    ~Nicole, entry 68

  20. Go Hester! Love your concept and the first 250 are brilliant!
    Good luck!

    Brandi #199

  21. Anonymous says:

    Awww, Brandi, you’re a sweetheart! Thanks so much, and good luck to you!!

  22. What an interesting concept! 🙂 Good luck!

  23. Anonymous says:

    Thanks so much Carrie! And best of luck to you!!

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